Yesterday afternoon I finally bit the bullet.

I did something that should have been done a long time ago.

I took down my large glass jars, the ones that have been filled forever with the saddest amounts of lumpy sugar and probably well over 2-years-since-I-bought-it flour and I emptied them out.

I know. Wow, right?

But you have to understand what a really "there's no going back, is there..." gesture that was for me. 

It seems obvious. We don't use flour anymore. We don't use sugar. Why would I keep them on hand, at eye level, in my small, small kitchen, only to never ever use them?

Well, because it's normal.

It's so normal it could be a Pottery-Barn-type add. Just think about it. Three glass, lidded jars full to the brim with a never ending supply of golden brown sugar, glittering white sugar and pure white flour. What could be more perfect? Or quintessential? If it were an add it would sell you on the idea of a warm and welcoming, fully-stocked and aesthetically pleasing kitchen, ready to turn out all kinds of beautiful and familiar baked goods. You would get a tangible feeling. A tangible feeling so distinct you would be willing to spend money towards capturing it and bringing it into your own home.

But what if it wasn't for real? What if it was just about the image, and that image were as useful as if the picture from the magazine had simply been cut out and hung up?

We don't eat "normal" here at our house. I eat completely grain free and sugar free. E is gluten free and processed sugar free. And unless he's at the fire station, or grabs some frozen bagels while we are at the grocery store, my husband eats like we do.

The image our reality creates is different. Is that bad? No way. But it's not what I saw back in the day when I pictured our future.

I saw teaching E how to bake bread. I saw homemade chocolate chip cookies on rainy afternoons. I saw pies and coffee cakes and muffins; cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning, old fashioned gravy on Thanksgiving, beautiful layer cakes for every birthday.

Don't get me wrong. We have some of that. As I document on my blog. I have been and am determined to reshape and recreate those feelings and memories for our family. In the ways that work for us. And I am so blessed to have the time, the resources and the ability to do that.

I'm just saying it's not what I envisioned.

But, I guess, nothing ever is.

So instead of flour and sugar my glass jars now hold raw almonds and almond meal. Instead of creating a familiar, recognizable image, mine speak of a lifestyle a little less conventional, a little more "granola-hippie". And instead of being merely about an image, they now contain items I reach for several times a day.