A letter to my daughter on her sixth birthday.
3.6.14
Time.
There have been periods in your unfurling, blossoming little life that it has gone so slow.
Too slow.
Unending morning sickness slow.
Preeclampsia slow.
I can’t do this anymore slow.
Then there were the nights of colic and fevers and stomach flu that seemed to last days.
There were the screaming fits and public tantrums that I swear played out in slow motion.
There were the battle weary phases of potty training and sleep training and time outs I was pretty sure might never end.
And yet time, unheedful and unmindful, ticked steadily on.
And now quite suddenly I find so slow and too slow have somehow become astoundingly fast.
And I can not keep up with the ways you change and grow and need me just a little bit less each and every day.
What can I teach you, while I still have the time, I wonder? What do I know? That 2+2 is 4. That the world is round. That caterpillars turn into butterflies.
Can that be enough? Must I also teach you about loss? And heartache? And fear?
They are, after all, a part of life. The part I would spare you from were it in my power and yet…
I would not know about those three things as intimately and as searingly as I do, without you.
Because they are the flip side of love and without you I would not know love.
Love -out of nothing, love.
Love -I’ve never laid eyes on you before and you can’t even say a single word to me and I don’t think I know how to but yet I can’t escape it, love.
And it changes everything. Even the perception of time.
So my darling child, today you are six.
Tomorrow…?
Well, perhaps I will turn around and tomorrow you will be 26. Or so it might seem. I hope not. But if that is the case I pray you know that 2+2 is 4. That the world is round. That caterpillars turn into butterflies. And that I have loved you every second of every minute of every day of your life.